Secrets of the PsychicMark Stringer, Minister: First Unitarian Church of Des Moines |
Reading
“The
Grownup” by Rainer Maria Rilke All
this stood upon her and was the world and
stood upon her with all its fear and grace as
trees stand, growing straight up, imageless yet
wholly image, like the Ark of God, and
solemn, as if imposed upon a race. And
she endured it all: bore up under the
swift-as-flight, the fleeting, the far-gone, the
inconceivably vast, the still-to-learn, serenely
as a woman carrying water moves
with a full jug.
Till in the midst of play, transfiguring
and preparing for the future, the
first white veil descended, gliding softly over
her opened face, almost opaque there, never
to be lifted off again, and somehow giving
to all her questions just one answer: In
you, who were a child once—in you. Sermon
Late
Friday night, as I set to work on this sermon, I
grabbed the Magic 8 ball I had purchased for today’s
children’s focus (I have always wanted an excuse
to buy one) and asked, “Will this sermon be a good
one?” The
8 ball’s response:
“Most likely.”
Just wanted to let you in on the future. Knowing
the future. Having
an opportunity to see what’s ahead has always has
been an intriguing notion to me. As a child, I often concocted elaborate
fortune-telling rituals with the stuff of my
adolescent world to get early knowledge of the
important events in my life.
I remember on more occasions than I care to
admit, lying on my bedroom floor, aiming a small
Nerf basketball towards my closet hoop, quietly
saying to myself the things I really wanted to know
like “If this goes in, the Browns will win on
Sunday.” When
the ball would bounce off the rim, indicating that
my team was going to lose, I would shake it off,
regroup, and ask the question again, this time
adding more details, in case the “forces that be”
were unable to distinguish the particulars of my
request: “If
this ball
goes into that
hoop, the Cleveland
Browns will win on Sunday.”
When the ball would miss the target again, I
would continue the game until I achieved the desired
response: “If
this Nerf ball goes into that hoop, the Cleveland
Browns football
team will defeat the Philadelphia Eagles football team this Sunday.”
Swoosh!
Nothing but net…my team would be on its way
to victory and I could then focus on other important
matters… like playing video games…where more
fortune telling would inevitably occur: “If I
finish this round of Superman in less than two
minutes, Debby Gillentine likes me…” Of course,
come Sunday, when the Browns lost anyway, or later
than week at school when Debby Gillentine didn’t
give me the time of day, I had long forgotten the
Nerf basketball and the Atari Superman
prognostications.
By then, my focus was already on the next
unknown. As
I got older, my desire to play fortune-telling games
diminished, primarily because I found them to be…big
surprise here…mostly unreliable. Still, I did
dabble with Tarot cards when I was in college.
I liked them because reading people’s cards
gave me an excuse to talk one-on-one with them in
the middle of parties, and it was fun to try to
figure out what the cards were “saying.”
But eventually I discovered that I was using
the same lines over and over…I would say things
such as “You are in the midst of a big transition
right now…facing big decisions…new challenges.
You will pass through a period of confusion
before things will settle down.”
People seemed to like what I said.
They would nod and say “Yeah…wow…that
is so true.” I began to see, however, that if I really
wanted to tell someone what I thought the future
might hold for her, I would be more accurate if I
just asked her some questions.
The cards were an unnecessary prop.
I packed them away, where they remained until
I sold them in a yard sale years later. In
the past few years, my interest in the great unknown
has been piqued by the abundance of nationally
advertised phone psychic networks.
Not too long ago, one could not view
late-night television without being exposed to
lengthy and repetitive commercials for the Kenny
Kingston’s Psychic Hotline or Dionne Warwick’s
Psychic Friends Network.
Most prominent lately have been the claims of
a tarot card reader with a Jamaican accent, “Miss
Cleo.” Though I probably would never actually call
one of these networks, for my curiosity rarely
defeats my frugality, I have often wondered what it
would be like seek advice from a phone psychic;
furthermore, I have been curious as to how one goes
about getting a job doing the work of seeing into
the future through the phone lines. In
February of 1998, Harper’s
magazine published an article in which New
Republic writer Stephen Glass, a self-described
non-psychic, shares his experiences in world of
phone prognostication.
After calling the offices of several
networks, Glass manages to get a manager of the
Psychic Believers Network to allow him to interview
for a job as a psychic. She wants him to do a trial
reading, but she will call him in a few days so that
he can get his psychic energies fully primed.
In preparation for this test, Glass calls a
competitor—the
Psychic Friends Network—to take notes on
how they give a reading.
He is connected to a psychic named Sally, who
tells him he is under great stress…yes…and
that the stress is about a soon-to-come conversation…say
more…that the talk will be with a woman…uh-huh…the
outcome of which will entail many late nights…. Glass is impressed with the beginning of
Sally’s reading and encourages her to continue by
asking what the woman is going to say.
Sally responds, “She’s going to say she’s
pregnant.” Glass
writes, “My body physically deflates.
I don’t have a wife. I
don’t have a girlfriend.”
He then tells Sally that he has called in
order to prepare for an interview where he will have
to give a trial reading.
She gives him a few pointers…”talk slowly”
and “be vague.” The
interviewer, a woman named Susan, does not call at
the proposed time. Glass, unable to discern exactly when she
will call since he is not in fact psychic, calls her
secretary, who reveals that Susan has just received
a promotion…she is now chief of psychic affairs
and has been very busy.
She will call him soon.
Later that evening, she does call.
Here is how Glass describes the exchange: “She
begins by asking me if I use tarot cards or
astrology. Despite
all my planning, I am stumped.
I can’t say astrology, since all I know
about the movement of the constellations is how to
locate the Big Dipper.
But I also can’t say tarot cards, since I
only know two or three.
Quick on my feet, I tell her that I use a
combination of tarot and playing cards, adding
comments, like ‘Since the days of the pirates, the
six of clubs has had a long history of predicting
romantic entanglements.’ She seems to buy it. “[Her
secretary’s] leak about Susan’ job promotion
becomes the cornerstone of my reading.
Right off, I tell her I’ve turned over the
four of hearts, which ‘bleeds the passions of the
workplace.’ How
about her romantic life?
It will be put on hold while she works
harder. And
her family life?
They will miss her while she commits herself
more to work. What
about money? New
riches. On
and on, I let this one piece of insider information
dictate the entire reading.
Forty-five minutes later it’s over and I am
sweating. There
is a dramatic pause… ‘Sugar plum, you are the
best!’ Susan yells.
‘You’re A-1 hired!’” Glass
starts five days later, beginning a nightly ritual
of calling a toll-free number, punching in his
extension, passwords, and the phone number where he
will be reached. Then he waits for calls. For every
minute he keeps a caller on the line, he will get 35
cents, which comes to $21 an hour.
The network’s take varies slightly
depending on special promotions, but it’s usually
about $3.95 a minute, or $237 an hour. Within
his first few calls, Glass comes to understand that
his mission is rather simple really:
He is to listen to the stories the callers
tell and to devise readings that reflect what they
have told him.
To tell the future, he just uses his sense of
reason. When
a woman calls fearing that she might lose her
restaurant job because of a romantic entanglement
that led to an outburst of workplace rage against
another employee, Glass tells her the cards say that
her only chance to acquire good luck is to
immediately write a letter of apology to all
involved. When he receives a call from an unemployed
Chicago man who has fathered seven children by five
different women and who is wondering what lucky
numbers he might use to win the Illinois Lottery,
Glass tells him that he has the seven of spades
showing which means that he won’t have lottery
luck for at least seven years.
There’s no use in playing. After
a week of these nightly counseling sessions, Glass’
twenty-minute average with callers has made him a
rising star of the network.
He confesses there are three rules that
always guide his readings: First,
he tells callers that they are going through a ‘sensitive
time’ in their life.
The callers always agree.
The phrase ‘sensitive time’ is perfectly
vague….Everyone, in some respect, is always going
through a sensitive period.
Especially anyone calling a phone psychic at
1:00 am. Second,
he describes himself as the family-values psychic. No matter what cards he turns over, he
tells callers they should go back to school, go to
church more regularly, wait until they are married
to have sex, and that they have been born under such
a dark cloud they will never win the lottery….Third,
he listens to the tone of their voice more than what
they are saying.
“Other psychics,” he says, “develop
complicated formulas to read tarot cards and
horoscopes. Sometimes
they’re right, sometimes they’re wrong.
Not me.
If the caller is crying, I tell him that he’s
sad. If
he’s laughing, I tell him life is going well.
This way I’m virtually always right.
In fact, I’ve come to realize that thinking
you actually have psychic powers would probably be a
severe handicap.” Before
two weeks have passed, Glass becomes too troubled by
the job to keep logging on.
He writes, “I realized that what psychics
love about being psychics is the power they have
over other people.
Callers are almost always experiencing some
kind of spiritual void.
They talk to me as if I am a direct conduit
to God….I am beginning to think that even if I
give good advice there is something repulsive about
what I am doing.”
During a particularly difficult call in which
a young woman tells him about her history as a
victim of abuse including her current relationship
with an extremely violent husband, Glass tries to
remain calm as he tells her “The cards show two
paths for your future.
One of misery and one of joy.
Right now you are headed on the path of
misery. There
is a bridge, though.
A very rocky, almost treacherous path back to
the golden road of joy.”
He tells her that he has visions of a church
in her town. He
gives a vague description about it being a brick
structure, where there is a nice minister, and where
it’s warm inside. He encourages her to go visit the
minister as soon as possible. She tells Glass that
he is the first psychic not to tell her she’d have
to commit to an hour-long psychic session every day
before her life will get better.
It is his last call for the network. Of
course, we should not be surprised that Glass
determines he has to quit his position as a phone
psychic, finding that it compromises his integrity
as a human being.
After all, regardless of the good advice he
was giving, he was still playing a role in con game
where lonely, abused, and/or simply confused folks
were forking over $240 an hour to have a spiritual
void filled. I
think his story should be told, however, because it
speaks of the great lengths to which people will go
these days to make connections with others. If the
customers who called Glass and other phone psychics
had real, meaningful connections in their lives,
maybe they wouldn’t need to turn to psychics.
If our society were more focused on caring
for those without a voice, for hearing the concerns
of those who often go unheard, for sharing the
resources of wealth and education, forecasting the
future might have a decidedly different look. The
other day my wife shared with me a fortune cookie
prediction she had recently received.
Her fortune read, “You will soon make a
life-long friendship.”
What a great fortune.
What would it be like to assume that this
fortune was, in fact, true…to commit oneself to
the idea that a great new friend would soon appear?
My guess is that this friendship probably would occur because the recipient of the fortune
would be looking for it.
I began to wonder what it would be like to
see our deepest, most life-affirming principles…the
things we know would help make the world a better
place in which to live…as the road map of our
future…the directions to our ultimate destiny. If we were to truly commit to the belief
that by respecting the inherent worth and dignity of
others we would make the world a better place, we
would be more apt to work toward a future where that
will be the norm.
If we were to fully give ourselves to the
idea that respecting the interdependent web of all
existence is a principle that will transform the
world, we would more readily live our lives in the
service of all living things so that the world will
be transformed.
Believing in a future that is based upon our
principles is a way to help ensure that this future
will in fact arrive…a future based upon our
acknowledgment of the responsibility it is just to
live on this earth…to share a planet with billions
of other people who breathe the same air, cry the
same tears, and bleed the same blood.
Each of our lives depends upon our need to
take responsibility for others and for ourselves.
The future, therefore, will be greatly
impacted by what we believe is possible, by what we
give ourselves to today, by how we live now…
especially now, with threats of destruction all
around us. I
close this morning by offering you a vision of the
future. These
baskets contain fortunes for everyone here. As the
baskets are passed around the room, choose your
fortune…as you do every day…and believe it.
You may share it with others if you wish, but
don’t discard it.
Believe it and live your life accordingly.
The future is waiting for your input. Some
of the fortunes that were passed out: You will forgive someone who
has wronged you. You will always respect the
inherent worth and dignity of each individual. You will laugh often. You will overcome adversity. You will make many friends. In your life, happiness will
always defeat sorrow. You will be a friend to someone
in need. Your kind deeds will be greatly
appreciated. You will do something of great
value for your community. Children will respect you
because you respect them. You will give love freely and
will get love in return. You will bring integrity to all
that you attempt. People will flock to you
because of your honest and integrity. You will inspire people to work
for justice. Your efforts will make a
positive difference in people’s lives. You will always give to
charitable causes. You will share your talents
with the world. You will always hear the cries
of the needy. You will always work for
justice. You will give some of your time
to worthwhile causes. You will always be kind to the
earth. You speak out against bigotry
and hatred. You will eschew unnecessary
accumulation of material possessions. You will listen to the stories
of those around you. Your humility and good-nature
will be legendary. You will help an
underprivileged youth make it to college. You will teach children values
of equality and justice. You will be a good role-model. You will always say hello to
children. You will learn to forgive
yourself. You will give generously to
charitable causes. You will tell the people you
love why. You will be thankful for the
blessings of your life. You will teach someone to read. You will share your good
fortune with others. You will defend the rights of
those in our society without a voice. You will show compassion to
those in need. You will be a friend to people
of all ages. You will speak out for those
whose rights have been denied. You will
live your principles. You will listen more and talk
less. You will love the earth and
live accordingly. You will treat your neighbor as
yourself. You will believe in life. You will not be afraid to
dance. You will develop a friendship
with someone much older than you. You will invite people to
church. You will focus on possibilities
rather than limitations.
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