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Culture of Fear January 4, 2004 Louise Alcorn First Unitarian Church of Des Moines
Good Morning!
When I was asked to do the service today, I dug around for a presentation topic that might interest you. I had an idea for a talk on the Public Service Gene, which I still someday want to pull together.
However, there was a topic that had been bubbling beneath my surface for a while, which I thought I’d share with you this morning. The topic is Fear. Yeah, I know, such a grim topic to start the New Year—and that’s so unlike me. Now, before you think I’ve entirely lost my sense of humor, my original title for this presentation was “What are We Afraid Of? or Why the World Needs a 12-Step Program”. I still think that’s a good title!
I want to talk about some of the ways that fear plays a part in our lives, both directly and indirectly. For the last few years I’ve had a theory that keeps popping into my head. I suppose you could call it my “This I Believe”, though I never felt it was quite encompassing enough for that.
The theory goes something like this: that any decisions that we make—as individuals, as families, as communities or as nations (hey, I like to think BIG)—that any decisions we make that are based primarily on FEAR, or on fear’s playmates, anger and hatred, these decisions NEVER turn out well. They are not healthy. Whatever short-term benefits we might imagine, they are rarely lasting or ultimately conducive to personal growth or happiness.
Maybe I should have stuck with that Public Service Gene thing, but I want to give it a try.
Being a librarian, my first obvious step was to look up a definition of FEAR. So I went to the dictionary. Several dictionaries, in fact (librarians are taught to never trust just one source). Here’s the gist:
Fear, Noun: A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension; as in a fear of looking foolish. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power. A reason for dread or apprehension.
Transitive Verb: To be afraid or frightened of To be uneasy or apprehensive about; feared the test results. To consider probable; to expect
Synonyms: (there are some goodies here) fright, dread, terror, horror, panic, alarm, dismay, consternation, trepidation.
Now, let’s see…agitation, anxiety, disquiet? Ah, yes, old friends of mine! Lest you should think I have found—or plan to present—some magic formula for avoiding fear, you should know that my life is FILLED with fear. I am the Queen of ludicrously heightened expectations! Panic Patty! Anticipation Anna!
Fear of heights, fear of flying, even a fear of birds (don’t ask!). Then there are the more complicated and often conflicting fears of intimacy, but also loneliness. Fear of change and fear of stagnation. Oh, yeah, and that public-speaking thing J
And sometimes you are just terrified that your fears will keep you from doing anything—a self-fulfilling prophecy if ever there was one!
[Fear Behavior]
I think the most debilitating part of having fears is what we do, or perhaps more importantly what we don’t do, because of our fears. I think of these as our “fear behaviors”.
Some of our toughest fears have to do with interactions with other people. Whenever they do those studies on fears and phobias, what comes out above fears of flying, water, fire…or even birds…is the fear of public speaking. Also high on that list is meeting new people.
You may not believe it, but I was a shy kid. I think lots of people describe themselves that way—nearly everyone I’ve ever met, in fact. But I think there are levels of shyness, some more debilitating than others. Mine was of the middling bad variety. I could leave the house, just, and once I’d met people, I did fine. It was the act of cold introduction that had me frozen in my sneakers.
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I decided that shyness was ruining my life. I was so tired of sitting on the sidelines, but I’m not sure that would have been enough to get me going.
Ultimately, it was probably Carol. She was my best friend in junior high. She was, if anything, more shy than I was. I realized that if we were going to get anything done, one of us had to step up to the plate. So I did. Small steps at first—a simple, “hi, how are you” or “can we join you?”—but soon it became second nature. Now I’m a complete pushy broad, for better or worse. Thanks, Carol. [Rational Fears]
But what does it mean to be afraid?
I should note that not all fear is obstructive or debilitating. There ARE rational fears. Remember those definitions: “A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger”.
Fear can be a survival tool. We have evolved and thrived over millennia not because we were the biggest and strongest, but because we had a strong survival instinct, including a healthy base of fears.
I mean, it’s entirely reasonable to run from the grizzly bear! Giving the bear a big hug and telling it you “respect its right to ‘bearness’” won’t keep you alive. Run, for Pete’s sake!
But the world—and our lives—for the most part are more subtle and less straightforward places. And our fears—and their origins—are less straightforward, as well.
[Barrier to a Good Life]
I had already chosen this topic, and written an outline of my talk, when my father gave me an essay he had written this fall called The Anger Virus. He writes several essays a year, which I always enjoy. However, in one of those odd synchronous moments that families sometimes achieve, he’d managed to discuss, in a slightly different context, almost exactly what I had been trying to enunciate about my fear concept. Oddly enough, the essay is written in the format of a letter to his kids, so this is truly fatherly advice.
The main obstacle between us and a good life is anger. A close second, perhaps, is irrational fear, which is often tangled up with anger. Rational fear from imminent violence or life-threatening disease, for example, is obviously debilitating, but not persistent. Although I'll stick to anger in these notes, there are many parallels with irrational fear. The way to deal with anger is to recognize it, understand it, and minimize it…
So what's a good life? One in which you have frequent opportunity to experience joy. One where you continually develop your understanding of self, the human condition, and your connection to the universe -- all, of course, limited by your knowledge and experience. One where your behavior and accomplishments are consistent with your understandings.
Now my dad has always encouraged me to think for myself, so I would have to reiterate my position that anger is simply a manifestation of underlying fear. But, as he said, there are many parallels and the argument remains much the same. A good life is one in which you can achieve personal growth and experience the joy that is offered. The main internal barrier to this is FEAR—or anger or hatred or any of those synonyms from the dictionary.
What you might call external barriers to joy can include illness, accident, or temporary circumstance. You can only rarely do anything about these barriers. Fear, on the other hand, is something you can “recognize, understand and minimize.” As the proverb in your order of service says: "That the birds of worry or care fly above your head, this you cannot change. But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent." That little ditty, by the way, as well as today’s readings, are courtesy of my mom, who did some research for me. This presentation is entirely a family affair. J
[Story – overcoming fears]
“The birds of worry or care…” It’s odd that birds keep coming into this. I mentioned earlier my fear of birds. Yeah, feel free to laugh. It’s a bit laughable, but I just can’t stand the stupid things. It’s the fluttering. My mother is afraid of them, too—she and I have, in the past, become nearly paralyzed when crossing a square full of pigeons.
I also hate to fly on airplanes. Hate it. I just get all tense—I mean, my knees clench, for Pete’s sake!
So
what are my choices? I could stay home,
never fly anywhere, and avoid large cities where
pigeons are plentiful. But is this what I
want? Will this give me a good life, as I
envision it? (pause) Nope.
Never. My friends and family, who are integral
to my happiness, are scattered to the
winds. I have to fly to see them.
And what about my dreams? Since I was a
girl, I’ve had
I spoke earlier about the behaviors and actions that are affected by fear. The thought of a Grand Tour of Europe was delightful, but the thought of the long flight over was terrifying. So what to do?
I made a decision a few years ago, that whatever my personal fears or neuroses, I wouldn’t let them keep me from my dreams. Not that one, at least. So I used the formula my father described: “recognize, understand and minimize.” I recognized that my fear of flying was not, as everyone assumes, a fear of crashing, but rather a combination of memories of very bad flights in my past, a general fear of loss of control, as well as some genuine physical discomfort. I understood that none of these things were truly debilitating, unless I let them be.
So…some mild pharmaceuticals, a 9-hour flight and about 4 countries later, I found myself in June of 2002 in Venice, in the Piazza San Marco, sitting at a table drinking Perrier (it was very hot), watching the overheated tourists, the pickpockets and gondoliers; admiring St. Mark’s and the Doge’s Palace while the bored waiters beat off the thousands of pigeons that congregate there every day… Fine by me. It’s a memory I will never lose and wouldn’t trade for any amount of imagined security.
So that particular flock of worry and care can find someplace else to roost, thank you very much!
[Causes of Fear]
So where do our fears come from?
Oddly enough, those definitions I mentioned earlier don’t list any causes of fear, except awe of a supreme power, which I don’t think explains my fear of flying! J
Back to my bird phobia (yeah, I can’t get off that one). My mother has been afraid of birds my whole life. Am I afraid for the same reasons as she, or am I afraid because she was afraid and I unconsciously reflected that? Impossible to tell at this point. She and I have both tackled the fear, and have refused to be limited by it. We chose to “recognize, understand and minimize.” Or at least recognize and minimize. Sometimes that’s enough.
My father makes an argument that the negative messages we carry inside ourselves can come from those around us, who often without meaning to give us these recurring messages. Again, he’s discussing anger, but the metaphor works:
Anger, like irrational fear, is stuck in the past. It has roots in all those bad things that happened to us, often long ago and usually forgotten by everyone except ourselves. Miserable childhoods, abusive relationships, uncaring parents, flawed marriages, humiliations, unfair criticism, and raw deals of all varieties. All real stuff. I continue to see many people carrying these things around like permanent backpacks just waiting to be reopened so they can all spill out yet again. Far too often the contents get spilled onto children, and the old events infect a new generation. We become carriers of the anger virus (anger.exe?), infecting those who are close to us. This virus is especially adept at wiping out opportunities for joy.
I think this works for a “fear virus” as well. We can, unknowingly, pass this virus on by saying things like “She’ll be fat like her mother” or “She’s always been afraid of the dark” or “All the women in our family are afraid of the water.” If you hear these often enough and early enough, they’ll stick like infectious glue.
[Culture]
Although the title of my talk is Culture of Fear, I’ve mostly discussed internal, personal fears. However, there is another source of fear that is both subtle and also totally in our faces all the time. We do live in a Culture of Fear. Fear is a great motivator, and also a great manipulator.
Think of those examples I gave above—tell a kid early and often that she’s afraid of the water and unless she’s one of those strong, fearless, self-willed children, she’ll assume it’s true and that assumption will guide her behavior. It’s possible that circumstance will cause her to learn to swim anyways, but the imposed fear will likely make it harder for her to take the risk.
In the same way, if we are told over and over again that going into The City will get us killed, what are the chances we’ll go downtown to see a show?
If we’re convinced that a group of people mean us nothing but harm, what are the chances that we’ll reach out to them?
We miss opportunities for joy and growth when we are limited, or even frozen, by our fears.
[Advertising]
As this Fear Theory of mine has been building within me, I’ve become more attuned to the messages of fear around me. In preparation for today, I spent a couple of nights watching prime-time television and instead of channel-surfing during the breaks, I really watched those commercials. I watched them with a critical eye to the fear messages. In one evening of prime-time viewing, I was made afraid of, or at least encouraged to fear the following rather un-scientific list:
Going bald. My digestion - too much acid? too little fiber? Too many carbohydrates? That my teeth weren’t white enough. Will handsome men shriek in horror at my coffee-stained smile? J My hair - Is it brittle? Does it shine? My car’s tires – are they good enough? Will I skid and kill someone? Will they carry my children safely (and I don’t even have children!)? Bad breath! Body Odor! Being Fat – this came up no less than 4 times in one night! And last, but by no means least, I should fear for the safety of my Home – from burglars, carbon monoxide and termites. Yegods! It made me want to run screaming into the street. Where I might have been hit by a car with bad tires!
And then there were the political ads—so wonderfully prevalent in Iowa right now: “The Democrats want to spend all your hard earned money!” “The Republicans want to get your children killed for oil!” This candidate is lying to you, that candidate is lying to you!
Did you think of any other ads while I read that list? I bet you did!
And it’s not just the ads! I was heading out for Christmas, about to get on the dreaded airplanes, and they upped the Terror Alert to Orange. Merry Christmas everybody! Keep traveling! Advertisers and politicians didn’t invent fear as a motivator; they simply harnessed and exploited it for their own purposes, which is to sell products and services or to sway your vote. They know, as we should all be aware, that each of us has emotional hit points which can be triggered by subliminal stimuli and some well-chosen words.
[Nation]
So how do these hit points, these fears, ultimately guide our behavior? Not just as individuals, but as larger groups—families, communities, nations.
There
has been a lot of talk lately about
*motivations*, especially in the
political/global arena. I’ve had a few
words on the subject myself, I admit.
There have been questions asked about whether
the motivations for our country’s current
foreign policy are reasonable, just, or possibly
ultimately justified by the outcomes. I don’t
have answers for this, but I do have an
additional question, one which I have yet
to hear answered.
I know we’ve had enough anger these last two years to last a lifetime. But anger is so often an extension of fear—so have we dealt with the fear? Are we being honest with ourselves about our motivations?
I talked earlier about overcoming my smaller fears—birds, airplanes—but how do we overcome our cultural fears so that we can make good decisions, and allow ourselves to experience growth and joy as a community? I’m not sure.
My dad had an idea:
…what about anger at blatant injustice, greed, or arrogance? Real achievers take note of these evils and set about challenging them. The rest of us too often just stay angry, unable to take useful action. Sometimes the successful action is not a confrontation but an end run along a new, creative path.
How can we keep the vultures of worry and fear from roosting in our society? There is that basic formula: recognize, understand and minimize. Be aware of the fear messages, recognize the emotional hit points they’re aiming for, understand your own reactions to those messages, and minimize the hurtful, damaging actions, OR lack of action, that your own fears can cause.
Find a healthy end run.
[Conclusion]
I appreciate you listening to me today. I want to leave you with one final thought:
I talked about my little theory—that decisions based on fear don’t turn out well. Let me give you in closing the flip side of that theory: that those decisions that we make primarily out of healthy caring, affection or love are far more likely to lead to growth and joy.
And finally a quote from Louisa May Alcott:
"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."
Thank you!
READINGS _____________________________________________
Call to Gather Reading for Roger Scott January 4, 2004
This is actually from The Courage to Change from the Al-Anon program.
I suspect that if I reclaimed all the minutes, hours, and days I've sacrificed to worry and fear, I'd add years to my life. When I succumb to worry, I open a Pandora's Box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices, and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I pay to the MENTAL STATIC, the more I lose my foothold in reality... To break the cycle of worry and fear, I'm learning to focus all my attention on this very moment...
...Instead of running way, I am learning to look at the source of my distress. As a result, I find that pain passes much more quickly, and what I gain is freedom from fear...When I was avoiding taking risks, fear was always with me, just over my shoulder. Now I go through it and come out the other side, often unscathed. I no longer have to keep a watch for potential dangers. Instead, I can occupy myself with living.
A quote from Helen Keller: "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
Meditation Reading January 4, 2004
From "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" published by Alcoholics Anonymous World Service
The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear - primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded.
[Our] failings [can] generate FEAR, a soul-sickness in its own right. Then fear, in turn, generates more character defects.
Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat, drink and grab for more of everything than we need, fearing we shall never have enough.
....These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.
Jan 4, 2004
Responsive Reading #658 “To Risk” – Anonymous
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk exposing our true self.
To place our ideas—our dreams—before the crowd is to risk loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
To live is to risk dying.
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