1. MAN NEEDS MAN FOR THE RECIPROCAL AFFIRMATION OF THE AUTHENTIC.

          The authentic is here used as indicating the truth when truth is understood as being verifiable by  common agreement as to that which accords with fact or reality. To many people, truth is based upon what disguises their low opinion of themselves. In this sense, the untruth is a deliberate attempt to conceal. But the majority of untruths are due to plain old ignorance as to  what constitutes how best to live and breathe. All truths are not molded in stone. We remain in ignorance about many things. The progressive acquisition of wisdom, as against mere knowledge, alters what is deemed the truth as we view it today.

.          Reciprocal openness is the way to truthful interpersonal communication. Such “openness” is not easily acquired, even though it is desired  by those who remain “closed” because of fear of exposing what they view as their own shortcomings. The basis of the “inferiority complex” is what I have referred to as the “identity splinter”. The inclination to write the self off as inferior to the rest of the world is an acquisition  I have used the notion of splinter because, as with a real splinter, it is potentially removable, even though scarring may remain. To maintain the fiction of the splinter’s presence, we utilize what Henry Nelson Wieman called “evasions.”  Most of the “symptoms” of  psychiatric disorders listed in the profession’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual are evasions in the Wiemanian context.

Authentic interpersonal communication is creative. The  consciousness of the human mind is in  continual expansion, although  effort may be expended to keep it static, as with post-traumatic stress and other conditions. The anxiety and depression accompanying these states indicate a resistance against change. cha Perceptual and cognitive change is constant, as Whitehead said. Authenticity is  appreciative of the dark realities as well as the genuine delights attending the living experience. Truth, therefore, is  inclusive  and may contain that which is morbid, foul and bitter. Too many people evade this aspect of the real and lead lives hindered by cultural astigmatism. Our responsibility to others should be to learn what it means to be our brother’s and sister’s keeper. It is not to enable their egotism, nor ours, but to create the opportunity for creative interchange. In this context, education, beginning in Kindergarten, can introduce the ABC’s of creative interchange and what obstructs it. Such an innovation might make the ABC’s of reading, writing and arithmetic more meaningful.

The capacity for continuous growth explains the unique inclinations of an individual. The paths we choose to follow are due to many factors, mostly un-planned. Although we have much in common, our choices are often related to fortuitous events. Some biologists lend support to this idea. Roger J. Williams, professor of chemistry at the University of Texas, Austin, write an article, “The Biology Of Behavior”,  in the Jan. 30, 1971 Saturday Review. He presents a compelling argument for the wondrous fact of inborn individuality.  He writes that the main interest of  psychology is to study averageness and leave heritable uniqueness to mere speculation. He goes on to say: “In understanding the scope of human desires, one must consider the problems people face. 1.making a livelihood. 2. maintaining health. 3. getting along with others. 4. getting along with one’s self. These four cover most of the familiar human problems: marriage and divorce, crime, disease, war, housing, air and water pollution, urban congestion, race relations, poverty, the population explosion, the all-pervading problem of education and the building of an abundant life.” Yalom  would agree that these are very ‘existential”. Williams adds. “Learning to live with one’s self is an individual problem. Much unhappiness and many suicides can be traced to the misguided desire to be something other than one’s self.” This refers to the self-denial which underlies wanting to please an admirable other or otherwise denying the self. Williams concludes by re-minding us we are not carbon copies of one another. He warns us, however, that there are many ways of acknowledging our individuality, some good and some bad. Many  forms are anarchic, anti-government and for absolute freedom of expression.

So what has this to do with the first aphorism? Plenty, in that we strive for authentic interchange with others, but we, in the main, succumb to what is average. We do this because we don’t understand that diversity between individ-uals is an integral  part of mutual authentic interchange. The very concept of creative interchange implies the necessity for diversity. Sameness would nullify the wisdom of Wieman’s  four-fold process.

2. WHEN THE UNAUTHENTIC BECOMES THE MODEL OF WHAT OUGHT

TO BE, THE AUTHENTIC IS CONSIDERED ABNORMAL

     Some of us are motivated to grow and undergo progressive transformation. Sadly, too many don’t. This is often due to the felt need to conform to social demands. We are influenced to behave according to the conventional attitudes of the day. Economics are an important factor to influence our choices. Two cardinal examples are the car and fashion industries. Each season, new styles of both products are designed for the express purpose of luring us to buy. The status of our identities compel us to purchase goods we could as well do without. One could declare that modern civilizations are largely dependant upon egoistic needs for their material advancement. Although cars and dress are markedly different, the felt need for both is the same, --- a not so subtle narcissism. This is not an argument for Amish-like lack of novelty. Individual creativity and expression has been the earmark of humanity since he/she was granted the gift of thought. I am merely emphasizing the “postmodern” inclination to “be” like those whom we admire. In doing so, we neglect the promise of individual expression. New homes are alike, intimacy is reduced to the cell phone, jeans dominate wearing apparel and cities are carbon copies of each other. The same stores, restaurants,  malls and homes suggest a desire for conformity, yet individual preferences dominate the choice of hobby, sport, job, video choice, and style of car. There may be an attempt on the part of retailers to make us see as one, but there is, at heart, an innate inclination to be different, This may explain the behavior of those who rebel against what they view as stultified convention. Gangs, crude dress, sexual  exhibitionism, and other anti-establishment activities are of this sort, yet they are intolerant of any deviation from their rules..

     Although humans are programmed to move forward, they may be hesitant to do so because of fear of rejection by those close to them. The sense of who one really is has never materialized in them due mainly to the enforced dominance of  parents and peers.

     To the degree one lives a fixated life, the theologian would judge him living in  ”sin”, the psychologist would judge him living in a “state of inhibition”,  the Sartrian would say he was in “bad faith”, and the existentially-oriented therapist would say he “doesn’t understand what he is missing!”.

     The identity splinter is the initiator of the unauthentic attitude has about oneself. It originates when he/she is mishandled, mistreated or otherwise maligned, usually when too young to form opinions about the self. But self-denigrating attitudes are changeable, which is the hope of mankind.

     The unauthentic attitude is  comfortable to many for the simple reason  it is so common. To walk to the beat of a different drummer takes a strong sense of self and an appreciation that the hostility that is induced in others is motivated, in large part, by jealousy. Attitudes that influence human behavior may be divided into three broad types:  authentic, average and  unauthentic. (Maslow listed his three categories as: the authenticating, 2%; the struggling, 75%; the complacent, 23%).

       Authentic people are characterized by an ability to accept the vicissitudes of life. The average are the bulk of the population and may be best described in the words of the psychiatrist, Harry Stack Sullivan,. “most of us are characatures of what might have been”. They lead lives of “quiet desperation” or struggle to find their “true” selves. Many artists come from this group, as do others who seek some understanding of the meaning of existence. They are caught between accepting the unauthentic and a more creative relationship with life.

     The unauthentic group is made up of those who seem to enjoy films and videos depicting violence, auto races, wrestling matches,, sadistic exploits and news reports of crime. They seem truly indifferent to that which is free for the viewing: clouds, gardens, trees, forests,  lakes, the sea,  rivers, parks, and people.

     The world’s population is conducive to  unauthenticity,  particularly in the more ‘advanced” nations. There is a tendency for governments to stifle individuality as a means of safeguarding its restrictive organization. The continued growth of the population threatens stability unless there is a radical shift in what it means to be  a human being. The post-civilization interaction between nations holds promise in this regard. There are more foreigners traversing the sidewalks of our cities than fifty years ago. Students from abroad are enrolled in our colleges. Congress is seating men and women from other lands. The Spanish and Mexican population of this country has increased tenfold in the last few years.

     However, what hasn’t changed is the factor of the identity, how one regards the self. This aspect of being human is universal, regardless of race, color, religion, sex or social position. Sooner or later, the entire subject of one’s identity must be addressed in order for creative interaction to rule mankind.

     Creative interchange would not lead to universal conformity, as many fear. It would respect universal diversity. Wieman’s four-fold process would become a ruling commitment for all. Interaction, appreciation, integration and expansion of the valuing consciousness  would enhance individual spirituality. We would retain a sense of awe and appreciation for the wonder of what IS!  The meaning of anything is subjective, simply because we are alone in the universe and need each other to learn things. Spirituality is that aspect of being human that acknowledges and accepts the ever-present mystery that is human existence.

     The problem ahead is simply stated but difficult to implement. How to motivate the individuals of the world to believe and practice  creative inter-change awaits its comprehension. There must be an initial presentment of the concept. How to accomplish this is a gigantic problem, simply because it is understood  by so few. Speed is the spirit of modern times. Contemplative learning has given way to the computer, cell phone, rapidity of television reporting and the unlimited sources of the Internet. And, once the idea of creative interchange becomes known, it must be practiced. As with everything else, the work begins with me and you. It takes two to tango. Nations have always “talked” with each other but what was the gist of the meetings? Mere talking isn’t enough. Currently, we are at war with Iraq and Afghanistan and there are hints we may take on Iran. A columnist recently admonished our military to not “talk” with Iran about its nuclear program. Realizing how little is known about creative interchange, that is probably sage advice. We are supposed to be smarter today, and we are about many things, but are we any wiser?  We will become wiser when we become as familiar with the identity and its splintering as we are with the fact we can expect a lot of rain in April.   

3. SHIPS THAT GO AGROUND HAVE AT LEAST BEEN TO SEA.      

     This statement implies it is an endowed trait to adventure beyond the confines of one’s initial environment. There are exceptions, of course, like certain congenital abnormalities, but, for the most part, to hazard beyond the familiar is normal.   

     To do so, however, is not without risk. What is around the corner, or over the hill, may present something pleasantly surprising or regretfully dangerous. This is the price one pays for acting on curiosity. To avoid the probability of encountering disappointment or disaster, one may remain stuck doing  nothing in particular. To remain safe, one inhibits growth and wisdom. To run aground can be a learning experience, but one must leave the port for the experience.

4.     WHERE THERE IS HOSTILITY THERE IS HOPE

     The dictionary makes no distinction between the feeling of hostility and the feeling of anger. I am suggesting the two are diametrically opposed. Hostility differs from anger in that it is  destructive in intent, wereas anger is constructive.

     Although there are many different explanations for the development of hostility, the most prevalent one is related to encountering rejection or experiencing failure when both  are interpreted as proof of one’s unworthiness. In this context, hostility is an appropriate response to such a misinterpretation. No one is joyful at being demeaned. The error is not the hostility, It is the personal interpretation of rejection. It is taken as proof of one’s worthlessness.  It is in this context that hostility is a dangerous feeling, both to the self and to others. One is furious at being “nothing”. One seeks retaliation. The desire to get even may induce much antisocial behavior, even murder. It may also be repressed and give rise to depression. When expressed by attacking an object beyond the self, guilt is an accompaniment and is responsible for continued  self-devaluing behavior.    

           Anger, however,  is a legitimate response to a perceived wrong. One may feel incensed at witnessing the taunting of an elderly man by a group of boys. The arousal of anger in this context may induce active intervention or it may remain a smoldering feeling. Either way, the feeling is normal. Too many people seem indifferent to the splintered behavior of others.

     The misjustification for hostility is correctible, therein lies the hope. When one begins to assume the responsibility to define who and what one is, the cause for hostility  is erased. As things stand today, hostility is a highly prevalent feeling. It is responsible for war, crime, psychosomatic diseases, drug abuse, depression, and a host of other negative responses to existence.

5. LOVE IMPLIES THE MAKING OF A SACRIFICE AND THE ASSUMPTION OF    

OF A RISK

     To love is to give and what does one give? Oneself? No, if one did, there would be nothing left!  One’s heart? No, one would then be dead! You give something very simple. You give regard, appreciation, respect, care and acceptance. You don’t give adoration, subservience, dominance or timidity. You give your true self which is nondemanding and desires nothing but creative interchange. These qualities may be mistaken as abject selfishness by those who are in need of purely selfish attention. Thus, authenticity may be  rewarded with scorn, hostility and rejection by those demanding satisfaction of unmet needs. The risk, of course, is obvious. You may “lose” your “beloved”. Authenticity is  often mistaken for the total lack of concern. Thus, to sacrifice your needs for reciprocation of authenticity may be the very action which leaves you alone and ungratified.

6.     DOGMATISM IS THE FIRST REFUGE OF THE FRIGHTENED.

Curiosity operates in the service of creativity. Creativity is an open book

 without end.  Openness of this quality takes the willingness to be disappointed, wrong, and puzzled.  The dogmatist wants nothing of this. He or she needs certainty, even if it is fiction. Uncertainty is to be avoided at all costs. This is the appeal of  religious dogma.  It bestows facticity in place of doubt. Dogmatism is also  akin to belief.  Belief wards off speculation and this is comforting to the fearful.

7. SEXUAL ACTIVITY OFTEN EVADES AUTHENTIC COMMUNION

           The primary function of copulation is to keep the universe populated with human beings.. This is true of all living things, including flowers, snails, clams and  rattlesnakes. The explanation of why anything needs to reproduce remains an imponderable mystery that we  humans are stuck with for as long as we last on earth.

        Mother Nature or God, which ever you prefer, endowed us with the capacity to experience the male ejaculation and the female orgasm, both referred to as the sexual climax. The climax is a physiological event producing an emotional accompaniment deemed by those who experience it as the most exhilarating sensation known. As such, sexual activity between men and women, as well as the same sex and by the self, is guaranteed. Without such a lure, reproduction would be far less than it has been to date. This is due to the fact that many individuals do not choose to have children.

      Sexual communication, known less euphemistically as “fucking,” can serve many functions other than the conception of progeny. It can serve as proof of one’s manhood. It can be a source of continued narcissistic pleasure. It can be used in the service of enticement. And, as Rollo May commented, it may be something to do when there is nothing to talk about. In reality, authentic sexual activity between fairly authentic people, is no different than anything else that takes place between people who really enjoy one another.

         But, in too many instances, sexual activity serves the purpose of evading creative interchange with others. This is because to do so takes the freedom to be open, an impossibility when one has a low opinion of the self. Sexual activity is a popular means of evading this issue. That such usage is a mere subterfuge is reflected in the frequency of divorce, as we’ll as the stale relationships that are seen in marriages that do not accept desired dissolution.

8.     HE WANTS TO PLAY HOCKEY BUT HE HAS NO SKATES.

      We all admire the achievements of others. I am in awe of what some    people do just for fun: sky-dive, scamper up Everest,  swim with sharks,  master computers,  score knockouts in the boxing ring, be at home on a tightrope.

           Some are learnable with effort. Others are beyond one’s ability simply because the necessary coordination is not adequate for the activity. And there are those who just don’t have it for a particular role. And a few lack the necessary information as to how to conduct the desired end.

     So it is with human behavior at large. There are those who secretly admire the talents of others, as well as the many who openly desire to fill roles they feel incapable of  handling for various reasons. The analogy of having no skates stands for the lack of knowledge to participate in some activity, as well as the interpretation one gives to this lack. The game of ice hockey, as well as other sports, stands for being true to one’s self, whatever that may be at the time.    

     There are those who are handicapped by actual organic problems. I recall a young man who tried out for a youth hockey team I was coaching. It was obvious he was having trouble going up and down the rink. His breathing was difficult and he had to stop almost at every turn. When the session was over and we were in the dressing room,, one of the try-outs told me he was the young man’s brother.  He said: “My brother shouldn’t be here. He has heart trouble. He always wants to do what I do.”I took his brother aside and we talked a bit about his desire to be as physical as others his age. I told him his courage indicated he could figure out other ways to excel. He dropped a tear or two, said okay and left. He never came back.

     And there are those who desire to play but have no idea as to the rules or the manner of deportment. Their bungling is frustrating to them as well as others.

     Then there are those who feel they know the game and everyone else is in error. This type is beyond correcting due to a splinter lodging in one’s concept of the self.                      

     Yes, one doesn’t play ice hockey wearing sneakers!

9. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU IS WHAT IS RIGHT

      Anxiety, depression, hostility, and post-traumatic stress disorder are signs that something is troubling one. One is “off course” and, in this context, the signs of disturbance are appropriate to the situation. Symptoms are opportunities for transformation. In this context, modifying their troublesomeness with tranquillizers is malpractice.

       A common example is when a wounded ego is subjected to a rejection or a taunt. The reaction is hostility or depression. Both are appropriate to feeling lousy about the self  Why should anyone feel otherwise?  The “wrongness” is letting someone beside yourself determine what and who you are. The “rightness” is your resentment of feeling demeaned.

        Simple ignorance is another example. You are irritated that you have lost your way. This makes you late for a date. You were given the wrong directions. Should you be merry?

You are on a team that is poorly coached. You follow orders that get you nowhere. You blame yourself until you know better.

You are an infantryman in Vietnam. You have killed two individuals. You feel nauseous but dare not admit it. Why, because the others are gloating? Are they right and you wrong? Someday, you will figure it out.

         To the medical psychiatrist, symptoms signify a physiological disorder To a psychiatrist more philosophically based, symptoms signify one is “off course” as to dealing with the true self. The presence of an “identity splinter” is a constant irritant, forever begging the question, “to be or not to be” The need for approval is in perpetual conflict with the need to be oneself. The war is with the self. The “wrongness” is selling out the self to gain acceptance. The “rightness” is the inner discontent at doing so.

10; DIVORCE IMPLIES MARRYING FOR THE WRONG REASON

      Motives for marrying are as diverse as the reasons for enjoying life. In some areas of the world, marriage is mandated even when the parties don’t know each other. The union is entirely political. In the Western world, marriage is a traditional act and is encouraged by family and society at large. Love, in the authentic sense, is rare. In far too many cases, the motive is legitimizing sexual union which can outrun its course in short order. In many others, immaturity dominates and the partners progressively begin to experience incompatibilities that were previously overlooked or deliberately avoided. Some couples are religiously tied together until death fractures the relationship. Masochists wed sadists as well as the reverse. Malignant reciprocity prevails until maturity effects separation. Marriages destined for divorce are motivated by lust, greed, dependency, subservience, domination, or feelings of inadequacy. Our current materialistic-centered culture overlooks the importance of teaching the skills necessary to experience creative interchange. There is little time for genuine intimacy.

11. AUTHENTICITY AFFIRMS ITSELF SOONER OR LATER

          No one has to tell when you have made a good tennis stroke or a good golf shot. Your body tells you, as does the path of the ball  And so it is with the presentation of an authentic attitude. It speaks for itself.  To approach a group with openness begets similar responses from otherwise  reticent  individuals.

           To respond appropriately to any situation may incur the rejection, even wrath, of others, but, in doing so, one avoids debilitating guilt as well as aiding and abetting their unauthenticity. I was very unauthentic with my foster mother when I found out the truth of my origin. I never told her I knew I was not her  biological child. Had I done so, we may have gotten to really know each other. Because I joined her in a duplicity we wasted much energy in perpetuating the lie.

12. SELF-REJECTION IS LEARNED BEHAVIOR

          One’s concept of the self is not innate. We are born into a loving situation or a rejecting one. We learn who and what we are by the treatment we receive as we begin to understand we are separate beings When I am rejected, whether intentionally or not, I am apt to interpret the event to mean that something is the matter with me. If repeated often enough, I become convinced that I am less than everyone else. The subsequent guilt and hostility are ‘normal” responses to such a misinterpretation. It may take years for a correction to be made. It may also grow in intensity, fostered by the response of others to one’s behavior fostered by self-rejection. This is because to dislike oneself is to dislike others as well, an attitude that is projected in various ways.

13. MAN’S MOST PRESSING NEED IS TO BE CREATIVELY RELATED TO                

      HIS WORLD

          Man is innately designed to grow, not only in physical size but also in   comprehension and awareness. But there are many hindrances to the progressive expansion of knowledge and wisdom. The identity splinter is probably the chief obstruction. One way of regarding symptoms of “mental dis-ease” is to take them as signs of  blocked potential. There are many ways to express this omission: depression, hostility, compulsivity, obsessonal ideation, drug use, psychosomatic problems, etc. Constructive ways of handling such distress may be through art, writing, music and entertaining.

14. EVERY MOMENT CAN BE A BEGINNING

          Unless we are mentally confined to the past or the future, we continually experience change in our daily perceptions. Nothing is really viewed in the same way. Qualitative meaning, as defined by Henry Nelson Wieman, adds a different dimension to everything we experience. This gives some validity to the old maxim that the spoken word is already a lie. What I viewed yesterday has a new meaning today and will again tomorrow. Those with unresolved issues, as is evidenced in past-traumatic stress, try to remain static as to creative movement. The inability to do so is one explanation of their distress. Unresolved trauma keeps one tied to yesterday. Living should be  a continually altering experience.

15. LOVE VERSUS LIKE

          Words are commonly misused to convey anything but what is intended. There is no better example of this than love and like. To say “I love you” carries a different connotation than “I like you”. Love is an attitude that conveys accept-ance and regard for the self and others. Erich Fromm. In the Art Of Loving (NY, Bantam Books, 1956) attempted to define what love means. To my recall, he is the only one in the field of human behavior who has attempted to do so. I agree with Fromm when he defines love as an attitude. As such, it incorporates care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. To love means to care about the abilities of the other; to respond, authentically, to the needs of the other; to respect where the other is; and to understand as much as possible about what might be asked of you and your ability to grant it. Love, in this context, is attentive. Love is giving of attention, not grasping for succor.

          The dictionary  lists multiple definitions, including sexual intercourse. Its reference to “like” does not include love, a distinction not made in common usage. Although it is possible to l like what you love, it is not always so. One can love his/her neighbor even though he/she may be guilty of error. Also, one may like something in the absence of love. Whereas a more correct “love’ implies a nonviolent statement, to say “I love apples,” or “I love candy,” is erroneous because apples and candy are eaten.